Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Launch Party

I am starting this hear fashion blog because I feel I'm uniquely qualified in my total lack of knowledge in the fashion world. From the outset, I will promise this - my knowledge of fashion will never increase. I will never read other fashion blogs or other material to improve this one. I will, when possible, add pictures to accentuate my points, but only my own so that the images will match the words in their lack of quality and insight.

The primary goal of this blog? Bringing back midriff tops (female only, sorry Korea) I don't know when they went out of style, and I certainly don't remember being consulted on the matter, but I am of the opinion that they never stopped being awesome and should return tomorrow.

Though I came up with the idea for this blog in New York on the Lower East Side (okay, Chinatown), my first entry will focus on that other American fashion capital, the Florida beaches. Not South Beach, mind you, but the considerably less chichi beaches of St. Petersburg.

This beach scene, much like hipster Brooklyn, is drowning in tattoo ink. While both locales swarm with young white people sporting ink, and while the quantity of body modifications seem to be the same (ie, literally everybody under 25 has a/many tattoos), the gulf in quality is substantial. For example, amongst the waves of roaming douchebags on Treasure Island Beach, a high percentage (say 80) are rocking tribal, celtic, and barb-wire styles. Given that most of these beach dwellers are 22 or so, and that tattoos of the aforementioned style haven’t been socially acceptable since 1998, it means they actually got these ridiculous styles, like, recently. That, or they get tattoos when they were 12. It is Florida, so this would hardly be surprising.

Though I generally plan to focus on the ladies in this blog, I have to address the dudes at this beach. After all, I had no problem with what the chicks were wearing. A number of dudes were wearing, uh, extrememly low-cut swim trunks. Fellas, trying to show off the top of your wang is not a good look. The super low cut shit works on girls because girls are attractive, and girls don’t have packages. Chest waxing is acceptable for the following groups: hirsute women and homosexuals. “Body spray” is acceptable for the following groups: females, and, when called cologne, Tom Selleck.

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